Puns
by VixonVulpe
Summary: Arthur remembers too late why Alfred is banned from telling jokes in their group of friends. [ Something stupid and punny I wrote in about twenty minutes. USUK Drabble]


In all honesty, Arthur thought about pretending he didn't know Alfred a lot more often than he thought about introducing the younger man as his boyfriend. When he was trying to see how many burgers he could fit into his mouth without gagging, for instance. Or like now.

The afternoon had begun innocently enough. Alfred wanted to go do something, but Arthur had to stay home and watch his younger brother. So Alfred offered to come over and help. Peter, who had been spying on the conversation, gave himself away by suddenly gasping and begging Arthur to let Alfred come over, and thus the loud American was letting himself into the house fifteen minutes later.

As expected, Peter followed Alfred around like a little duckling, which would have made Arthur's life much easier, except he couldn't turn his back on Alfred either, so now he was babysitting two five year olds rather than one.

By the fifth time he had to scold the pair of them, Arthur was ready to do just about anything for some peace. "Alfred, why don't you tell Peter some jokes?" he sighed, not realizing his mistake. Both Alfred and Peter's faces lit up at the suggestion, and Arthur tried his hardest to shrug off the sudden uneasy feeling that settled in his stomach.

"What's green and sings?" Alfred asked as Arthur left to make some grilled cheese for Peter's lunch.

From the kitchen, Arthur could hear Peter's bouncy "What? What?!" along with Alfred's answer, "Elvis Parsley!" which made him snort and shake his head.

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own?"

"Why?"

"Two tired!"

Arthur rolled his eyes and continued his task.

"What did one snowman say to the other?"

"Brr, I'm cold?"

"Nope. He said 'Do you smell carrots?'"

Peter roared with laughter. Arthur had to suppress a groan. Too late he remembered why Alfred was banned from telling jokes in their circle of friends.

"What did the ghost eat for dinner?"

"What?"

Arthur looked over his shoulder to see that they had come looking for him. An irrational urge to run and hide began to build up inside him.

"Spooketi! And do you know how to make a baby astronaut go to sleep?"

"How, how?" Peter demanded, bouncing up and down. Arthur quickly moved a finished sandwich onto a plate, praying he could distract his boyfriend and his brother with food before they made anymore awful jokes.

"Lunch," he said briskly, setting the plate on the table. Peter squirmed up into his seat but kept his eyes locked on Alfred.

"You rock-et!" Arthur resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall. Peter laughed so hard he nearly choked on his bite of sandwich.

"Alright, alright, that's enough," Arthur huffed.

"Aaaw, but Arthur!" Peter whined.

"Don't whine like a two year-"

"Aaaaw, c'mon Iggy!" Alfred whined as well. Arthur could feel his patience wearing thin. "Hey, hey Iggy!"

"...What?" Arthur forced out.

"What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot?" Arthur shoved Alfred away from him, accidentally sending the taller blond crashing into the table.

"Hey!" Alfred protested.

"What do you get?" Peter demanded.

"A wa-"

"A walkie talkie, now eat," Arthur cut in, glaring at Alfred to try and make him stop. Alfred didn't seem to get the hint as he just moved closer to Arthur. There was a different glint in his eye now, though, and Arthur narrowed his eyes in suspicion, trying to work out just what the American was up to.

"Hey Iggy. Wanna see how a rocket ship takes off?"

"No, I don-"

"I do, I do!" Peter cheered from the table. Arthur shot him a pointed look while Alfred put his hands together in front of him. He made what must have been rocket sounds as he shot his hands up wards, pulling them apart once they were high over his head and letting his arms fall down, one sneaking its way over Arthur's shoulder. Arthur could only sigh and smack the American in the back of the head.

* * *

Thanks to ilybakura for the puns, and to a Celts and Thistles cosplayer for the how a rocket ship takes off joke.

Progress on Brother Complex is slow but steady. Please don't worry, and thank you for your patience.

~VV


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